Adventures in Virgina

Thank you MeeMaw for sharing the love and adventures over the years with me and now my children. You have ignited a passion for history in my life and now in the lives of my children. I still pinch myself when I think of this trip and how surprisingly it felt like the vary trip I took for many years to visit you. From driving in the Mustang, playing tennis, riding the tandum bike to skipping down Duke of Gloster. Your love and hospitality has left a mark on our hearts and we are so very thankful.

Beach Day for a week....

One of the most memorable experiences for the kids and I over the years has been our Wednesday trip to the beach. Each summer Wednesday, the kids and I would pack up our car or sometimes someone elses car and drive a hour up the coast to spend the day enjoying digging in the sand, playing in the water and the conversation of friends. Now that we live in a beachless state, I was very sad that this wouldn't be part of our weekly routine. Gratefully, this past week we got almost a whole summer's worth of Wednesday beach days in with our friends. It was wonderful, extremely grateful!

6 Year Old Here!

Sun, rainbow cupcakes, SUN (oh I mentioned that), the BIGGEST WATERSLIDE KNOWN TO MAN (ordered by daddy who always goes big), lots of laughter, water balloons, water guns, slip in slides, snow cones to your hearts content, a petrified mom who was scared to death that the 6 year old's were going to be petrified of the BIGGEST WATERSLIDE KNOWN TO MAN and a sweet six year old girl clinging to her mom's leg during her birthday song! What a day!

June 19th

You are... patient, calm, a risk taker, unconditional lover, patient again, you share, you give, you cuddle, you love without hesitation, optimistic, trusting, romantic, a head itcher, a drinker of coffee with a lot of creamer, an adventurer, a listener, a multi-tasker, a planner, a researcher, a BBQer King, inventive, builder and constructor, hard worker, committed to God, your wife and family. Thank you love of my life for loving your family with all that you are! Happy 12 years of marriage and Happy Father's Day!

Happy 6th Birthday Sweet Girl!

Oh the joy to watch you grow! I can hardly believe you are 6 years old. You came on a beautifully overcast June morning (my favorite in June weather in Cali). You are spunky, fun loving, reluctant in new situations, need time to warm up, loving towards your brothers, always giving kisses and hugs to your family, my snuggle bug, night owl and lover of candy. Right now you: love doing cartwheels, drawing hearts and flowers, taking extra care of Silas, braiding hair, dancing and singing, snuggling with pink blankie each morning, love to stay up late, love your California Ray girls, playing with Ali, Jena and Sam and give the best hugs around. I love you sweet girl and thank our God for giving us such a delightful ray of sunshine!

Part 7

After a week of living in the casita, I was walking through Target picking up items for out "goodbye BBQ" the neighbors were throwing for us. And then I got a call, "Babe, they will let us buy the house with a loan, if we want it!"

I was floored, amazed, shocked and had no idea what this meant but we went for it. We even got to show up to "our good bye party" with the neighbors saying we were now staying. OH MY!!

Part 6

Moving into a Casita (one bedroom with a kitchenette) for most sounds like a fun adventure but this very tired mom of three was not thrilled at the idea. With two packed U-hauls and a husband driving an attached U-Haul on his truck everywhere, we were homeless. We were homeless and had no idea what we were supposed to do.

I questioned God tirelessly into the wee hours of the morning. Why? Why did you allow this God, why does nothing really make sense, why were doors open for us getting here and now they seemed to be closing, why after feeling a peace about our home and neighborhood after such sadness of leaving California was our home taken, Tim's job taken! Why God!

Tears came effortlessly at all moments of the day. I wandered the Target isle with Silas crying. I went to the grocery store crying, GOD WHY?

My heart was heavy for the kids. Titus and Tali were in their 3rd week of school, just barely getting into the swing of things. They have said good bye to their best friends in California and now said goodbye to the quickly made friends in the neighborhood. This wasn't making sense and though I pleaded with God to make it make sense, it didn't.

I had to write the kids teachers explaining our strange situation. This was humbling. I wrote Tali's teacher and appolagized for not having the proper color crayons for her homework. Titus needed folders from a store I couldn't seem to find. The little things were becoming mountains to climb. Making lunches every morning, filling water bottles, planning dinner in a hotel, all so strange. I too spent every other day at the laundry mat, cleaning sweaty dirty clothes. But most pressing was the fact that my husband who had been promised a job a good job was no longer going to be working for this man and needed to figure out what he was going to do and how he was going to provide for his family. As much as I hated him for bringing us to Arizona, I was deeply burdened by the heartache and betrayal he had experienced.

So where were we to go from here? When goodbyes have been said, mourning the reality of leaving friends and a town I love had already started.... do we move back? Or do we stay in this foreign place that for whatever reason (only God knows) we ended up in this place. I wrestled with these things for many, many months.

My spiritual struggle teetered from doubts of God's hand in things, to anger with God for requiring that I support my husband, to questioning all the people who gave us counsel along the way that we should do this.
"God are you punishing us?"
"God were we not listening to you before we moved?"
"Did you not open the doors and close doors for us to be here though?"

Between the physical exhaustion, the heat, the emotional strain and the spiritual battles, I was so broken, so beside myself that for moments I surrendered my will and trusted God to be faithful.

Part 5

And then.... about 3 weeks into settling after hanging lights, putting in smoke alarms, changing the locks, hanging curtains.... We got the news.

I had just finished going to a workout at a local church. I had deeply enjoyed the girls, the time and maybe for the first time personally, I was starting to see a softening of my heart. I called Tim to share with him about my time at workout and he shared he needed to talk to me. Oh boy!

Apparently, the man who Tim was coming to work for, the man who promised a business allowance to buy a home, the man who verbally made numerous remarks of his excitement to call us family, the man who came to our farewell in Valencia, the man who had promised Tim a unique opportunity to work along side him DISAPPEARED. WHAT? Yes, his fiance at the time called Tim and shared he left her with an erased phone and computer and was not to be contacted. WHAT?

As Tim shared this with me, I remember going numb. Shaking, and getting really angry. I was angry with Tim, with God and really couldn't believe what I was hearing. I questioned if God was punishing us and why. Yes, I went down that road and gratefully was reminded by loving friends that our God is not punishing. NOW WHAT WERE WE GOING TO DO????

In a most gracious effort, our dear friends the Paschalls arrived from Orange County the next day, in the treacherous heat and started processing all of this information with us. We sat early Sat. afternoon and just talked everything out. Tim and I had already looked at rentals that morning. If you remember, we spend hours, days and countless efforts looking for a home a month prior and now we were back at it.

Carrie and I took the kids to the Children's Museum for 5 hours to get out of the heat. Danny and Tim hired packers and started the process. This was one of the longest days of my life. Even the events of the evening, playing by the pool and waiting until 10 at night for an open room continued to were me down. This was a tired, overwhelmed, sad, angry mom and wife.

It's in these moments you learn so much. So much! Dear friends who journey through these times are so amazingly displaying Jesus in their selflessness that you for moments lay aside all the sadness and are just in awe. Oh how thankful and forever grateful we are for you dear friends. You picked us up, held us up and and carried us when were too tired to go farther.

Part 4

In a short couple of weeks, we were settling into our home with our new school, neighbors and all the new surroundings. I was still a bit in shock but was seeing glimpses of God's gifts around us.



The sweet neighbor kids all had a hankering for snow cone and lemonade stands. And by the second day we were there, a stand was up (I distinctly remember crying in Valencia thinking Titus wouldn't have a stand ever in Arizona, surprised again).
One of the many surprises was the fun had in the irrigation water. I thought the boogie boards were done without beaches for hundreds of miles BUT no, they were perfect for the irrigation fun.
There were new trees to climb, and so much fun exploring on our acre + of land.
The house was getting unpacked.
We got to know neighbors and the sheer delight of monsoons in summer heat.
We got to know our cousins and the joy of living by them.
Four days after our trek across the 115 degree desert, these two kiddos started at a new school, wearing newly purchased uniforms, Tali shedding many tears and gripping me fiercy on the playground, ready for this new adventure whether we were ready or not.

Part 3

And so, the packing began! I don't remember even putting things in boxes. There were little hearts to attend to, friends to give hugs to and the closing of a chapter that I wasn't ready to close. I had to stare longer at the hills that I once thought needed more green trees on them, I had to drive past the parks that my kids shared much joy and friendship riding there bikes at, I walked down the street to Kristen's and wondered how you bottle up the sweetness of walking to your dear friends house with such ease, I drove by the the hospital that the kids were born in a number of times and just stared at the building that at 3 significant times for the birth of my 3 babies represented so many emotions of fear, gratitude, sweetness, pain and joy, I told my favorite grocery store clerk that I was moving and got teary with her (even though she thought I was a nut). Strangely, I just wanted to say good bye and say it well. This place represented the heartache and loss of a buisness and home, the brokeness of a church body, the tears of a tired mom lonely new mom, the wanderings of a couple through the journey of marriage, as well as the beauty of learning so much richness in life, living simply, redemptive relationships, the overflowing of friendships, the beautiful golden hills, and the joy of roots with friendships, families, lots of families especially the ones that loved my children as their own and knew their corks but loved them anyway. The leaving and preparing for something new reminded me of how little I gave thanks for all that I had. Perhaps, a move was needed for various reasons. One was already so clear, I often didn't thank the Lord for my gifts and that is tragic. The giver of all life who deserves all praise and glory was not given what was due to Him and saying goodbye made me see this so clearly.

I'll never forget the evening we gathered at the park. I remember looking around at all the beautiful people around me. People who had cared for our family over the years. There were friendships that had represented pain but were now restored, friendships that had represented care and compassion, friendships that shared honest truths that even though painful were seasoned with love, so much richness oozed from this group of people. I was overwhelmed that we were loved by these people.

As we laughed and cried, I was aware that heaven must be just a small measure of this goodness. Tears began to flow as the goodbyes and hugs were passed around. It was dark, Jamie and Kristen were the only ones left with their families. The Ray girls were sobbing so loud and Kristen and I were convincing them that we would see each other soon but knowing full well that tomorrow we would wake up and not text each other to pick up the girls to play, knowing full well that I wouldn't be running an egg over for cookies, or we wouldn't be going for a walk to the donut shop with our clan of kids. It was sad. I was so very keenly aware that saying goodbye to people you live your day to day with everyday is hard, stings the heart hard, takes your breath away hard. Who would take my kids when I was sick? Who would bring fresh baked goodies over or extend laughter over the mornings mishaps?

I wish I could say that the next morning I arose and greeted this new adventure with excitement, support toward my husband and faith in God. I did not. Instead, I fought back every ounce of my being to talk kindly to my husband. The hard, angry heart was settling in and making itself at home. The drive was aweful! I cried, it was hot and I texted Tim the whole way how much I hated the fact that we had to move.

What in the world was God up to? Oh boy! I had no idea what was in store. I thought the desert drive was hot..... Well, the story gets more uncomfortable and unexplainable that I could have imagined.