Desert Place

It is probably not ironic to the Lord that He has brought our family to a desert state. It probably is not ironic to our Lord that this Northwest native, flower loving, tree hugging, mountain admiring girl is living in a dry, hot, prickly place. It probably isn't ironic to God that slowly in the desert, a new meaning of life and beauty is taking place.

The beauty has not come from the landscaping. No, I still find it to be quite barren for my liking but the beauty resides in my longing for Christ here. My longing and expectation for Heaven and the beauty that will some day overwhelm us. The desert reminds me that Heaven is the home I long for.

Being in this desert place, as it has done for many years past, for many of God's people, is a place where we long for something to quench the thirst. Slowly, the springs of water arise and slowly I thank God for the desert.

Isaiah 35
"The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad:
the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus;
it shall blossom abundantly
and rejoice with joy and singing."

Kristen Ray

My Dear Kristen,
I hate not being able to start birthday week today with you in person! BUT never fear, as you already so gracefully accomplished in November with my birthday week, BIRTHDAY WEEK will begin today, with delivery form a bit different than years past.

I love that this week I get to reflect on the blessing you are in my life. I love that each day a little something gets to be presented to you that reflects who you are and the things you enjoy. I love being able to reflect on the huge gift you have been in my life these past 8 years.

Our friendship has weathered through some of life's most beautiful seasons as well as some of the hardest most heart wrenching ones as well. I treasure walking through those baby years with our first borns, when we thought getting to the grocery store was almost impossible, to the most beautiful joy of experiencing our growing families and the tremendous beauty that has developed through mothering the seconds, thirds and now for you sweet #4! I love that with you when life is chaotic, we laugh! I love that when things don't go as planned we can vent to each other, I love that through the day to day I can come to you with any range of experiences and you are there to listen, laugh, cry, encourage and help carry any burden! You are selfless, generous, so thoughtful and have carried me through so many heart breaking moments over the years.

One of the most amazing moments that stands out to me (there are many) but this particular memory exemplifies your amazing heart and care in the deepest way for not only me but for Titus (your kinda son). Upon returning from my sister's wedding this summer, having to make another trip to Arizona to find a home, you pick me up from the airport and drive me home. You know where I am going right...... we arrive to my house and make our way to the kitchen and I begin commenting on how much our lizard "Ms. Debbie," has grown so! I will never forget glancing over to you and seeing a look of concern on your face as you immediately new that something wasn't right with the lizard. I start freaking out... in fact feel numb, faint and feeling like I can't breath!

You know this isn't because I care much about the lizard but because the little boy that loves this little lizard is going to be broken to pieces when he finds out his lizard is dead. You know, that I am so exhausted and emotionally depleted from the preparations of moving that this little thing is almost more than I can handle...

Then you do something that I truly was amazed by! While I am weeping on the couch, you quickly assure me that you can handle this. The dead lizard which already smells terrible, the cage that is grotesque is all of a sudden in your arms walking down our long hallway and placed in the trunk of you car. And then because you love my boy so much, you proceed to clean "Little Ms. Debbie up and place her in a shoe box with a special blanket (for Titus' sake). You loved me, and loved Titus in the most tangible way!

There are countless stories like these!

I thank you dear friend for our moments of silly and most ridiculous laughter, for letting me be part of your chaotic moments and for being part of mine, for loving my children in all their corks, for being my researcher, my nurse, the beautiful model of how to manage laundry and making meals, for being honest when I'm staring in the mirror at an outfit that I want to work but is a terrible match for me, for making our girls feel so special and beautiful when you braid their hair, for always being mindful of how you spend your money, for our wonderful adventurous girls trips with our sweet girls, for sharing your cupcake even when I won't, for the wonderfully crazy walks we used to take with all the kids, for the grace and understanding that conversations may not get completed but at least were started, for being willing to care and love even when it was exhausting and I didn't have much to give back!

You are beautiful friend! I love you Kray! Happy Birthday Week my friend!!

Bringing the Indoors, Out!

A beautiful sunny day, bringing Silas' room outdoors plus one happy boy (minus the few minutes that he was stepping on clover thistle balls) equals a fun day for mom and son! Oh, and learning how to edit photos... as seen by these three pictures, I am a total rookie!

The Heat

Upon reading from my favorite blog, aholyexperience.com, I am again like I am most days after reading and reflecting on Ann's insight, completely aware that God has used her (a woman whom I have never met) to bring light and encouragement when I most needed it and where I most needed it, in the fiery heat of my life.

Isaiah 48:10
"I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather, i have refined you in the furnace."

Oh how life feels like a furnace. The heat presses in as I battle each day with the path God has put our family on. The heat presses hard, I long for an escape, long to be back where I was with those I love in California. Yet, here I am in a state that I have sworn I would never live (Arizona), struggling to understand a new people to relate with, longing for familiar friendships for myself and children and daily wondering how in the world we got here and should we stay?

The heat is pressing and somedays, like yesterday I looked for various ways to escape it. I pondered upon things lost, let the sadness, the fears, the loneliness seep into my heart and mind. Rather than seeing God's refining beauty from the heat, I saw darkness, unknowns, regrets, and a pure ugly mess seeping from my heart. My words of distrust towards God and my husband were harsh, my lack of patience with my children stirred anger, my lack of faith in God
got the best of me and the heat that refines became the heat that destroyed.

I suppose this can happen in the fiery furnace of God's refiners fire. Heat is not enjoyable. And were not for new graces and unconditional love I perhaps would have let the firery heat destroy. Thankfully God uses people like Ann to bring encouragement and hope for those weary of the fire. God is indeed reshaping and molding something new and though He has been given my mess to work with, He promises that it is His love for his children that allows this hard pressing to take place.

Hebrews 12. As a wife, mom and friend, I do pray that my weariness of the heat will not leave me destitute but rather refined. I pray children that the ugliness of my sin will point to God's refining and discipline and ultimately to God's great Grace and Love.

Hebrews 12
"Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you not forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as son?

My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord. Nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the ones He loves, and chastises every son whom he receives. If is for discipline the you have to endure. God is treating you as sons......

Therefore, lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight the paths for your feet, that what is lame may be put out of joint, but rather be healed. Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled."

Everyday the root of bitterness seeps in and everyday I need God's Grace, Love and Discipline to bring me through The Heat.

11 Months!! How Can it Be?

Smiles! You are all smiles, bubble blowing, waving bye bye, standing and taking 3 steps, crawling like a bear (so very fast), eating just about everything! In one month you start a whole new year! And though I want to trap you in this time and make it stand still, it is so very clear that you are ready for so many new adventures. The beginnings of embracing so many new things and freedoms. More stumbles and tumbles to come as well as countless joys.

Dance Like No Ones Around

Ms. Tali Grace dressed up for her "Fancy Nancy" Book Character Parade. A magical morning of sunlight, twirling endlessly and practicing her fancy manners! How can she almost be done with Kindergarden? It has gone by so fast. Thank you for inviting me to dance this morning.... your laughter and joy makes me want to dance. I thank God for the joy and delight you bring!

Proverds 3:5-11

Since November, Silas has battled a cough. Really we have all had it, but our little man has been coughing off and on for months. Today, as I was feeding him before his nap, I realized his lungs were full of gunk. He needed to clear it so he could breath more freely. Being a little guy, he just wasn't doing it naturally. I thought to myself should I take his bottle away and let him cry a minute. Gazing at his little hands, watching him clutch my finger, seeing heavy eyes begin to fall into a soft, quiet slumber, I realized, he needs my help to clear those lungs. He seems content and close to sleep. I didn't want to disturb his comfortable, cozy state. I wanted to tell him, "Silas, I need to take the bottle away, let you cry and your lungs will breathe with more ease." But he is too little to understand. I make the decision to take away his bottle, stir a little cry and help him clear his lungs. As he cried for his satisfying bottle, his lung began to clear.

God knows my heart need to be cleared of gunk. Often the gunk builds and I learn to live with it. Over time, I don't notice it anymore. Out of His deep love and care, God has taken away comfort so that He can clear the gunk in my heart, so I can indeed be refreshed with His love and grace. I am realizing more each day that moving has been a gunk revealing process for me.

And so,Proverbs 3:5-8 comes to mind:
"Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Continues with Proverbs 3:11 My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, the the reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son whom he delights."

Today, I am grateful for God's great love to discipline and reproof this gunky heart.

Beauty in Caring for Another

I don't think I realized just how sweet it would be to watch your little ones love and care for each other. I am seeing it all over the place these days in our home. Sometimes, I just hold back tears of gratitude when I observe little ones learning about the joy of giving love and receiving it. When life slows down, it is so much more vivid and there are so many more opportunities for this growth to take place.
Grateful for....
*a brother who reads to his sister before bed
*a sister who looks out the window with her baby brother in wonder as they watch the wind blow in the trees
*a big brother and sister who approach baby brother with unabashed excitement after school
*the mornings when big brother and sister rock the baby with books in hand
*watching little hands hold little hands across the grass with tight grips

Grateful for the beauty that comes from slowed time and caring siblings.