A Little Out of Place

I must be to long gone from the Northwest because when I happened upon this flower last week I couldn't think of it's name. Of course it comes to me a couple days ago, Floxglove. It's a Floxglove and they are all over the Northwest in the spring but not so much here in Phoenix.

These tall, brightly colored bells grow wildly on the sides of the road in the Northwest. I remember actually digging them from the side of the road to transplant in our yard growing up. Theft for sure! The budget didn't allow for many flower purchases so plucking them from one spot and placing them in our yard seemed harmless at the time.

Last week, when I found this flower, I remember thinking, "Poor thing is out of place, what in the world is it doing here!" Had it not been in the front of a sweet little old tea house, I would have been even more sympathetic. Ironically, I can completely relate with this wildflower. I often feel out of place and wonder, "what in the world are we doing here in Arizona?"

Today was one of those days. I don't know what hit me, but I went to get Silas out of the car to do grocery shopping and it occurred to me.... I feel alone here today. I feel completely out of place. Tears slid down my cheeks. There was not hiding them! I suppose one of the beauties of being in a new place where no one knows you, allows you the freedom to let the tears fall. In fact, I walked through the doors of Safeway with tears rolling down my face. Probably wouldn't have done that in Cali.

I was keenly aware that I was lonely. I longed for the short but sweet conversation with girlfriends dropping off the kids from school, the meaningful conversations with dear friends at the park as kids run around and play, laughter at the mishaps of the crazy before school morning, sharing with girlfriends the sweet conversations shared the previous night with Tali Grace over never wanting to leave home for college, or conversing about Titus' questions on baptism and all his 50 million other amazing insights. I longed for conversations seasoned with widsom on handling day to day issues as a mother.

In what has seemed to be the blink of an eye, I went from numerous conversations a day (so spoiled) and sweet friendship to very little in even a week. So the tears of loneliness dropped like buckets and I was ok with it!

Gratefully there is always perspective and as I strolled through the store with red puffy eyes, Silas babbled loudly to everyone who passed and I had brief moments of conversations with complete strangers. I then passed through the produce section and noticed an elderly man trying to pick out bananas. He seemed a little lost and I knew by looking in his eyes he was lonely. The real lonely. I got all teary again.

Loneliness makes me long for Jesus. I long for His filling of grace and love. I long for His perfect companionship. I also gain such perspective of the world around me and the deep loneliness that people without Jesus must feel. My loneliness lasts for a stroll in the supermarket but some have the pit of loneliness everyday and this is so very sad to me. I pray out of my own loneliness that I would be filled by Christ alone and hopefully just hopefully some measure of Christ would spill over into the lives of those around me that need the hope and peace found only in Christ. God is about growing beauty in the most unexplained places, uncomfortable places.