I'm Running Away

I will come back today, I need some time away,
I am packing,
I will come back for school (0ver)I hope.
P.S. I "mite" stay.... I love you
Titus, yesterday was really tough! We both grew so much and I am so thankful. You taught me a lot, God used you to reveal my own sin. Thank you.....

It all started with a request while you were watching a show.
"Son, can you please run over to the Drotzman's and pick up 1 cup of brown sugar for my cookies?"
You replied, "No mom, I want to watch my show!"
Calmly I repeated, "Son, I am asking you to please help me and go get the brown sugar!"
"NO, I don't want to mom!"
This is that moment as a mom when you know the strong will of you son is pure sin and it needs to be looked at and disciplined (darn, hate these moments).
I again calmly respond, "Titus you have been given two chances to go and get the brown sugar. Now there will be consequences for not obeying."
You replied, "I don't care!"
OUCH!

Let me interject here that this is when I realized that I too am filled with the same strong will. Countless times God, my husband or a person needing something has requested me to stop what I am doing to help or even most recently, has asked me to go where I do not want to go. And often I have said, "No, that's not what I want to do!"

Being mindful of my own connection to this strong will, I realize that I need to make it clear to you that your sin has consequences. And that when I sin and disobey, God has consequences for me too. It is out of love that there are consequences...we need to learn something.

I end up telling you that you will have to miss part of the potluck and will have to show up late (it was just across the street). You start crying. You get angry. You say, "I don't care!" And again, I am looking dead center not just at your sin but reflecting on how I too have the same response at times.

Before we head to the potluck you proceed to tell me you are going to have to run away. And I tell you how that makes me sad but if you need to run away be sure to pack wisely, food, warm clothes for the night. I make it clear how much I love you and would miss you if you left.

Upon checking on you during the potluck, you leave these notes on the side door. I giggle and tear up. I know your tension to want to run from your sin. I know the tension far too well Titus.

Gratefully you don't run away. As we reflected in bed last night before you fell asleep, you asked for forgiveness. You told me your sin was ugly and didn't feel right and how it feels so much better now. You said, "I learned a big lesson today mom!"

And so did, I! Thank you for your humility Titus! I love seeing you grow! God continues to use you to reveal so much in my own life! It wasn't easy but it was all worth the beauty of seeing your repentant heart find joy in good over the evil. I love you my son!