Part 1...

It was about a year ago that Tim approached me and said we needed to talk about an opportunity. I was nursing little Silas, just under 3 months and my stomach sank into the ground. I wasn't ready for an opportunity, I didn't want to be part of an opportunity and so the new chapter was already beginning and I almost knew it the moment he said we needed to talk. I know my husband too well to know that adventure and risk are part of his being, he is just wired this way! So, I knew we were going to do this!

Strange, I thought that my plate was full at the time... a mom of now three children, in the midst of recovering from the c-section, being newly settled and enrolled in a new school for the children in the fall, weathering the storm of a broken church, moving forward from a lost investment that had caused a move two years prior and now something else. Something else!

Tears rolled down my face. They poured down my face actually! I pleaded with Tim, please not right now. Please can we just not pursue this right now! Tim steadfastly felt this was something he wanted to pursue. And so the division began, the heartache began, the misunderstanding began and boy I had no idea what was in store and all the craziness that would unfold from this opportunity. One thing I did know, I did not want to move. I did not want to be away from my dear friends. I did not want to be in a hot desert.

The decision to move was slowly slipping out of my hands. Tim felt strongly, as did I. As a Christian woman I toiled with this. I started pursuing conversations to help me get through this. Some woman said, he is the leader of the house therefor you need to follow his lead. Others said differently, and encouraged that Tim take some time to understand my perspective. Come what may, the decision had to be made and quickly. It was by far the most exhausting period of my life. Already lacking in sleep, depending on my friends for support, transitioning from our family of 4 to family of 5. How much more could I handle with this? I laugh now because what was in store was more than I ever imagined was even possible.

And so, daily I cried. I cried when I saw Kristen, I cried when my kids played with such ease with their friends at the park, I cried when I went to the grocery store that was so familiar, I cried when I drove past the hospital that all three of my children were born in, I cried and cried. The hormones of course aided this. I knew I was a bit more fragile than normal thanks to those crazy hormones. None the less they were there and they are part of bringing a child into the world. I was fighting this move with every ounce of my being. I was aware from the moment Tim brought it up, we were embarking on something new whether I liked it or not. Darn (other words and sentiments were used at the time)!